Category: Mommyhood

Dear Ms. YAHOO, Can I get a Nursery too?

Yahoo nurseryI have spent the last year transitioning from Working woman to SAHM and fluctuating between that and a WAHM.

As I work towards my desired occupation as writer, I have searched for positions eager to have the flexibility to work from home and spend time with my daughter and husband. I know they exist and I know many women who choose to have a job with such flexibility.

So with that said, I was struck by Marissa Mayer’s decision earlier this week – it may not be big news to everyone with more important things happening in Rome and at the White House even, but it directly affects women like me, looking to be at home and even at work, simultaneously.

I would like to take this discussion a step further however, because I don’t completely disagree with Ms. Mayer – she should actually be commended for wanting to spend time with her baby instead of only having a nanny for her son. She had the means to build a nursery next to her office – so more power to her! Television Writer and Producer, Shonda Rhimes (Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice, SCANDAL) has rooms for both of her daughters at her offices and also had the means to bring them to work with her. But no one is chastising her… (Is it because Ms. Rhimes is an writer, which is considered a more artistic occupation and Ms. Mayer is a business woman and we love to hate business women… )

Wouldn’t we all (if it is our desire), like to bring our babies to work with us so that we can continue to make money alongside our spouse (if we are are a two-parent household), so that our households have two incomes instead of one, so that we can begin saving for the costly pre-K, Kindergarten, elementary school, high school and / or college tuitions we will have to pay in the coming years… Wouldn’t we all like to raise our children under our own watchful eyes, and have them see us at work, so that they see from a young age, the value of working everyday in your chosen occupation.

It seems that parents these days are making decisions under much scrutiny, but there is so much we have to think about. With things like Newton, Conneticut happening at what seems a daily rate, might some of us be filled with a daily paranoia… On the other hand, these choices are just part of being parents. They are not always easy, but we make them out of what we feel is in the best interest of our child / children… and someone – somewhere will likely disagree or have something to say.

As usual, I digress… So my only “complaint” of Ms. YAHOO is that other mother’s in her situation (with young children / babies) will now have to go through the sometimes lengthy process of securing a nanny / governess / caretaker for their children instead of working from home like they have been. If YAHOO were in New York, these parents would have to account for the $8 Monthly MetroCard fare hike to $112 that goes into effect tomorrow (Sunday, March 3, 2013); gasoline is still sky high (remember when we freaked that it hit $1.00), and now our federal budget is being cut…

Since other women at YAHOO are most likely not in the financial position to build a nursery adjacent to their cubicle, is there a solution for them? It has not been publicized yet – so my only hope is that YAHOO is still discussing how this affects the 1-2% of employees who worked from home. Maybe there could be a proposal for daycare, so other women could bring their children to work and have them at least in the same building. Lauren Ashburn of The Daily Beast said on Hardball with Chris Matthews that she would quit if she were one of those women at YAHOO. My husband said it was a personal decision since she used her own money to build the nursery, and we should stay out of her business.

But for someone as public as she is, personal decisions are not so personal…especially when they are “out of the ordinary”.

Like I said, I love that Marissa Mayer is empowered enough to have a nursery built next to her office and if I had the means and the good fortune to have a television show, I am sure my children would know my office as well as home.

Because I notoriously play both sides. (I can’t help it. I don’t want to really hurt anyone’s feelings… Catholic Guilt?) , I wonder what Ms. YAHOO is thinking (aside from trying to get her company back on its feet).  Where is she is in all of this?  Is she even listening?   

If she is…

…Can I get a nursery too?…

1 year… 3 lines

Last year, I subscribed to Baby Center’s updates and allowed their app to send weekly notices of my child’s progress.

While I find the app pretty thorough, I normally ignore it – not that it doesn’t have valuable information… I just don’t always have the time to read it, but I do like having it.

But I digress — the message below popped up on my phone on my daughter’s birthday…

20130223-225540.jpg

If only this last year could actually be summed up in 3 lines.

But I can try…
“Congratulations! You’ve just made it through one of the most exhausting years of your life – only 17 more to go!”

Or

“Congratulations! Your Life as you know it is Over!”

OR

“Congratulations! You’ll never go to the bathroom alone again!”

OR

“Congratulations! Privacy is a thing of the past!”

… You get the picture!

But in all seriousness – nothing beats this first year- watching someone literally grow before your eyes is such an amazing gift that I am more than honored to experience!

I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

1 year… 3 lines

Last year, I subscribed to Baby Center’s updates and allowed their app to send weekly notices of my child’s progress.

While I find the app pretty thorough, I normally ignore it – not that it doesn’t have valuable information… I just don’t always have the time to read it, but I do like having it.

But I digress — the message below popped up on my phone on my daughter’s birthday…

20130223-225540.jpg

If only this last year could actually be summed up in 3 lines.

But I can try…
“Congratulations! You’ve just made it through one of the most exhausting years of your life – only 17 more to go!”

Or

“Congratulations! Your Life as you know it is Over!”

OR

“Congratulations! You’ll never go to the bathroom alone again!”

OR

“Congratulations! Privacy is a thing of the past!”

… You get the picture!

But in all seriousness – nothing beats this first year- watching someone literally grow before your eyes is such an amazing gift that I am more than honored to experience!

I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

What a difference a year makes…

A year ago, the thought of going to the grocery store or even out of our apartment with a baby strapped to me was frightening. I had more than a few questions about when, where, how and what if…Without bothering my husband too much while at work, I figured it out.

One of the first times I ventured out, our daughter was maybe two weeks old. I have always taken my time with things… My mother thinks there was some delay when I was born (she had an emergency C-section because I was headed back up the birth canal and lost some oxygen). I don’t know if I think that’s why I’m slow…. But that’s what she says.
All this tangential information to say, that I normally take my time with most things – a lot of things…. But since having a baby… Well, I can’t spend hours lolygaging at Whole Foods. The time between her next feeding and whether I was going to give her a bottle there or at home in those early days, was precious. I had to learn to move at a decent pace on my own. (I am happy to report that this particularly stubborn way of life that both I and my husband possess has passed on to our daughter)… Aren’t we lucky!

This past week has been filled with many reminiscent thoughts on where I was last year at this time.

Last Feb 21st I spent hours at the hospital bring monitored because I was very far along with tiny contractions. I was somewhat eager to find out what these contractions were all about. It seemed that I was having them but not nearly as strong as I needed.

When we went upstairs to labor and delivery, the doctor said she wanted to induce me that night – she was pretty insistent, but I wasn’t hearing it – my bag was home, my husband at work and I was with my mother and sister-friend.

To be continued…

What a difference a year makes…

A year ago, the thought of going to the grocery store or even out of our apartment with a baby strapped to me was frightening. I had more than a few questions about when, where, how and what if…Without bothering my husband too much while at work, I figured it out.

One of the first times I ventured out, our daughter was maybe two weeks old. I have always taken my time with things… My mother thinks there was some delay when I was born (she had an emergency C-section because I was headed back up the birth canal and lost some oxygen). I don’t know if I think that’s why I’m slow…. But that’s what she says.
All this tangential information to say, that I normally take my time with most things – a lot of things…. But since having a baby… Well, I can’t spend hours lolygaging at Whole Foods. The time between her next feeding and whether I was going to give her a bottle there or at home in those early days, was precious. I had to learn to move at a decent pace on my own. (I am happy to report that this particularly stubborn way of life that both I and my husband possess has passed on to our daughter)… Aren’t we lucky!

This past week has been filled with many reminiscent thoughts on where I was last year at this time.

Last Feb 21st I spent hours at the hospital bring monitored because I was very far along with tiny contractions. I was somewhat eager to find out what these contractions were all about. It seemed that I was having them but not nearly as strong as I needed.

When we went upstairs to labor and delivery, the doctor said she wanted to induce me that night – she was pretty insistent, but I wasn’t hearing it – my bag was home, my husband at work and I was with my mother and sister-friend.

To be continued…

Thank You, Toy Story!

Along with Motherhood comes the toys and gadgets of your children. One of my daughter’s books really put things in perspective for me…

“TOY STORY SING-ALONG”

Make new friends,
But keep the old.

One is silver
And the other is gold.

A circle’s round,
It has no end.

That’s how long
I want to be your friend.

20130217-160307.jpg

So Thank You, Disney for putting it all into perspective! It doesn’t get any easier than this.

Thank You, Toy Story!

Along with Motherhood comes the toys and gadgets of your children. One of my daughter’s books really put things in perspective for me…

“TOY STORY SING-ALONG”

Make new friends,
But keep the old.

One is silver
And the other is gold.

A circle’s round,
It has no end.

That’s how long
I want to be your friend.

20130217-160307.jpg

So Thank You, Disney for putting it all into perspective! It doesn’t get any easier than this.

Competing to be June Cleaver

If you knew me way back when – you may not recognize me now.

Some days I feel like Martha Stewart: baking, taking care of our daughter, keeping up with housework…truly domestic. Other days, I wish I could call on my French au pair to go where I go so I could do the simple things in life that we all take for granted…like go to the restroom without fearing I’ll have to jump off to save my daughter who may have fallen in the other room, even though she’s just fine and asleep soundly in her crib.

I mechanically begin working on dinner around 5:30/6 so by the time my husband comes home, something is on the table. Numerous things fall by the way side and I have the most fun after midnight – writing. Sleep comes when I need it, but my candle is certainly burning at both ends…. And why?

Because I can’t just be a mother. I can’t just plan play dates and obsess over what nursery school my baby will go to in 2 -3 years. I try to do it all and end up in a race with myself. Every time I take a breather, I regret it- I try to stay one step ahead and end up feeling like I’m one step behind trying to please everyone (especially myself).

I am certainly not alone (I sure hope not) as mothers like me around the country figure out how to have “it all”. Some have more help than others, with an au pair or family member – others, like me, do it alone during the day while the other spouse works. Others have no other spouse and do it all alone.

Help or no help, the June Cleaver competition is always in our subconscious.

But June Cleaver had it easy – if all I had to do was clean the house and have dinner ready, life would be a breeze… Instead I think about a career and my own personal happiness as a human on this crazy planet – never mind my husband and our happiness in life as a couple and family (which is of course a constant on my mind).

But how did I – How do we get this way – wanting everything to be perfect – or just right… trying to juggle motherhood and wife-Dom like we’re going to get a badge at the end of this raceto add to our sash – like we’re going to move up in the rankings.

I mean … sometimes It would be better if sleep were optional…

… And who is all of this for? Maybe we want to win one of those network tv “Mother of the Year” contests, and be picked over thousands of other deserving mothers…. Is that what our mothers wanted?

Are we recreating their lives in a google age?

My 1st year into this life as wife AND mother sent me into a homemaker mode many never knew existed or thought I would enjoy (myself included). But I was no longer “playing house” as I did as a child. This was real!

At the end of the day, June Cleaver’s life seemed perfect, but that sort of perfection has a dangerous price. If you find that you are driving yourself crazy over the minutiae and need a break, take one! Afterall, June Cleaver had commercials…
——-
If you are wondering what this has to do with “being black”, it has everything to do with Identity which is what I gained when I “discovered” my blackness… A sense of self that could be carried throughout the different avenues of my life.

Competing to be June Cleaver

If you knew me way back when – you may not recognize me now.

Some days I feel like Martha Stewart: baking, taking care of our daughter, keeping up with housework…truly domestic. Other days, I wish I could call on my French au pair to go where I go so I could do the simple things in life that we all take for granted…like go to the restroom without fearing I’ll have to jump off to save my daughter who may have fallen in the other room, even though she’s just fine and asleep soundly in her crib.

I mechanically begin working on dinner around 5:30/6 so by the time my husband comes home, something is on the table. Numerous things fall by the way side and I have the most fun after midnight – writing. Sleep comes when I need it, but my candle is certainly burning at both ends…. And why?

Because I can’t just be a mother. I can’t just plan play dates and obsess over what nursery school my baby will go to in 2 -3 years. I try to do it all and end up in a race with myself. Every time I take a breather, I regret it- I try to stay one step ahead and end up feeling like I’m one step behind trying to please everyone (especially myself).

I am certainly not alone (I sure hope not) as mothers like me around the country figure out how to have “it all”. Some have more help than others, with an au pair or family member – others, like me, do it alone during the day while the other spouse works. Others have no other spouse and do it all alone.

Help or no help, the June Cleaver competition is always in our subconscious.

But June Cleaver had it easy – if all I had to do was clean the house and have dinner ready, life would be a breeze… Instead I think about a career and my own personal happiness as a human on this crazy planet – never mind my husband and our happiness in life as a couple and family (which is of course a constant on my mind).

But how did I – How do we get this way – wanting everything to be perfect – or just right… trying to juggle motherhood and wife-Dom like we’re going to get a badge at the end of this raceto add to our sash – like we’re going to move up in the rankings.

I mean … sometimes It would be better if sleep were optional…

… And who is all of this for? Maybe we want to win one of those network tv “Mother of the Year” contests, and be picked over thousands of other deserving mothers…. Is that what our mothers wanted?

Are we recreating their lives in a google age?

My 1st year into this life as wife AND mother sent me into a homemaker mode many never knew existed or thought I would enjoy (myself included). But I was no longer “playing house” as I did as a child. This was real!

At the end of the day, June Cleaver’s life seemed perfect, but that sort of perfection has a dangerous price. If you find that you are driving yourself crazy over the minutiae and need a break, take one! Afterall, June Cleaver had commercials…
——-
If you are wondering what this has to do with “being black”, it has everything to do with Identity which is what I gained when I “discovered” my blackness… A sense of self that could be carried throughout the different avenues of my life.

Happy Belated Black History Month

I was remiss in not mentioning the start of Black History Month in Friday’s “Oreo” post. One might think that with a blog entitled, “The Day I Found Out I was Black” that I might be the first to take note, but motherhood distracts me from most of what made me who I was before having a baby and priorities are shifted…. sometimes drastically.

In my case, having a baby thrust me back to the days when I accomplished a lot in little time AND excelled (however I’m stilling working on the excel part).

So while my degrees and focus on black identity and culture in America and the Diaspora were 1st on my mind once upon a time, these days I’m most likely thinking about what I should make my daughter for lunch and if I should go to Whole Foods today or tomorrow…. before or after she naps.

However, my experience as an “Oreo” is exactly what led me to work on my MA in African American and African Diaspora Studies. So maybe it wasn’t a bad introduction after all.

Happy Black History Month!